Do not keep beating yourself up. It is not doing anything besides making you depressed. If you want to be something to someone then you must be that to yourself first. To love someone you must love yourself first. To move someone you have to move yourself fist. To inspire someone you have to inspire yourself first.
Be the leader by setting the example. Experiment on yourself and see what works and what doesn’t work. When you are experimenting just know that you are experimenting. If something doesn’t work then move on to the next thing. Do not attack your character. Do not call yourself names.
We are all human and are not perfect so stop expecting yourself to be. Collect yourself and get ready for the next opportunity. Try your best and learn from it. Keep getting better. Keep learning. Keep growing. Keep being kind to yourself.